Plumeria
by CharlotteCharade
Summary: In a time of heartbreak and disappointment, a happy love story is out of the question for May. But not all happy stories involve two lovers in the end.


**Author's Note: Spring is here. So here's me taking out my personal problems on my favorite characters in a long-winded metaphor.**

* * *

I wasn't in the right mind. That much, I know for sure. But that notion didn't sink in until long after I slammed him against the wall and pressed my body into his.

Brendan hardly had time to question it before I started to kiss him. His arms stiffened, hovering over my body on each side. He didn't even kiss back right away. I knew that he wanted an explanation, but I couldn't give it to him. I just needed this.

* * *

_"I'm sorry, May." He spoke without even looking at me. Instead, Steven's eyes were on his PokéNav as he scrolled through a few apps. "My dad needs me to fill in for him at a meeting. Can we make a rain check?"_

_I scoffed. Disappointment didn't even begin to describe what I felt. Folding my arms in front of my chest, I shook my head, not that he was watching to see."This was our second rain check. Steven, what the hell?"_

_That got his attention, finally."Hey," he took a few panicked steps toward me, taking my hands in is. "You know this isn't my fault."_

_"Steven, you've been gone for two months on your fieldwork trip. You're finally back, and you bail. Again." I instinctively yanked my hands from him. I could feel the grimace engraving itself on my face._

_"This is important; it's my job."_

_"You could send someone else if you really wanted to."_

_Steven sighed. Frustration and impatience were evident in his pacing. Running a hand through his neatly-styled hair, he hesitated a few seconds before speaking again. "May, please just try to understand. My dad asked that I be there, not anyone else. We just have to wait a little longer, all right?"_

_"I'm tired of waiting." My lips were pursed and my eyes narrowed. I clenched a fist subconsciously, loosening my grip when I felt my nails digging into my palm._

* * *

Without breaking the awkward kiss, I guided Brendan's hands to my hips, pressing myself further into him. With a weak grip and trembling lips, I supposed he gave in as he hesitantly began kissing me back.

It was nothing like kissing Steven. Upon encouragement, Brendan could be much more aggressive. It wasn't bad, just different. He took charge, as if he had wanted this for a long time. Of course, I already knew that. It was nice to feel wanted.

I knew he had feelings for me beyond rivalry and friendship. I knew that, and I took advantage of it. My hands moved to the bottom of his shirt as I began pulling it up, urging him to take it off the rest of the way. He pulled away briefly with a shy smile on his face as he willingly agreed. He tossed his shirt to the floor, watching as I did the same with my own.

I didn't give him a chance to gawk before I took is shaking hands in mine and placed them on my naked waist, my bra being the last sliver of modesty between us. Oh well. His lips parted in what looked like astonishment, probably not expecting to be moving so fast. I snaked my arms around his neck, bringing his lips back to mine. He didn't seem to know what to do next. Poor guy was probably in shock still. I deepened the kiss by running my fingers through his hair, giving slight tugs in rhythm with his lips. If I closed my eyes and let the moment carry me away, I could almost picture my fingers entwined in silver hair instead. _Shit._

* * *

_Is it possible that having someone special in your life could make you even more lonely than being alone? That's how it would always be with Steven - a long, lonely, dysfunctional ride between two individuals who were just too damn different._

_"Are you sure this is what you want?" He asked, lips pulled into a straight line; with eyes of ice that could still burn into me somehow. Even so, his voice remained calm._

_I couldn't say any words, for my cracking voice would surely betray me. No matter what, I couldn't let him see tears, even if it killed me. Instead, I nodded once, biting my lips from the inside to stop them from quivering._

_"Okay then." Steven said quietly. "It's really over then."_

* * *

Not wanting to waste any more time, I pulled away from Brendan's lips and began kissing his neck, sucking gently every once in a while. I brought my hands to his belt buckle, just about to undo it. That's when he finally took me by the shoulders and pushed me away, just far enough to look me in the eyes.

"You sure you want this?" He choked out. Nothing but care and concern filled his eyes. It was sweet, but he needed to shut up before I changed my mind.

I nodded impatiently, trying to get back to where I was. Before he let me continue, he gave me the sweetest smile I had ever seen from him. Then, just to drive me even crazier, he kissed my forehead with such gentleness as if I were made of porcelain. He really did care about me. Maybe he even loved me. And what was I doing to him? Not once did I think about how he was feeling. I think that's when I realized how terrible of a person I had suddenly become. My conscience smacked me, and suddenly I was wide awake.

My hands pushed against his chest, giving me leverage to back away."Brendan. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." I stumbled away from him, suddenly feeling horribly exposed. Grabbing my shirt off the floor, I pulled it over my head as quickly as possible, getting my arm stuck in the process. "I need to go."

"May, wait!" His lips parted and eyebrows raised. "Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?"

I stopped in my tracks. My stomach was twisting in ways that it wasn't supposed to, and my heart felt empty. Just completely empty. I turned around, forcing myself to look at him although it was incredibly hard. "I'm just.. I'm sorry." And with that, I ran out of his front door.

It was a sunny day. But any warmth that the sun provided was an uncomfortable radiation, baking into my skin and making me sweat in a sort of overheated nightmare. The breeze carried away the tears welling up in my eyes as Latias carried me home. I felt shivers although I knew it probably wasn't from the wind. What the fuck had I just done? Brendan was my best friend. I had gone through so much with him, and I ruined everything with a single, horrible, stupid, **selfish** decision.

Those words played on a loop as Latias flew back to Lilycove. _Horrible. Stupid. Selfish._ Was I really about to sleep with my best friend?_Horrible._And why? What was that going to prove? _Stupid._ To get back at Steven? To help me get over the break up? _Selfish_. Really, there was absolutely no way I could justify using my best friend in that way.

With my thoughts on an angry, repetitive rampage in my brain, the flight to Lilycove seemed shorter than usual. I couldn't stop thinking, even for a second. Part of me hoped I could wake up and none of that would have happened. Unfortunately, it didn't look like that would be the case. Thinking a short walk might help me, I instructed Latias to drop me off a couple blocks away from my house. _I'm so sorry Brendan._ If anything, I had to be glad I stopped it when I did. That, at the very least, was a relief.

I jumped from Latias' back, landing on the long, dark green grass that blanketed the ground. Despite everything that just happened, I couldn't think of Brendan right now. Ignore it; avoid it; it didn't matter, just get rid of it. How childish and impulsive could I be? Why was I handling losing Steven so badly anyway? _I_ was the one who ended it, so why did it still hurt like a sharp knife in my chest?

I wondered if Steven would have done anything like what I did just now. Hah, probably not. He was always so well-composed, even when breaking up. Steven probably spent his afternoon in cave, or locked away in his room studying some beautiful, sparkly new rock. Just like he always did. Now that we were no longer a couple, he could have all the time in the world for that, just as he wanted.

I looked up, seeing the many trees lining the sidewalk. Leaves had been growing for weeks after the reign of winter's dormancy, although there were still plenty of naked branches in sight. The floral meristems were barely peeking through and not a single petal was present yet. Everything, from the branches to the roots, appeared dry. But they bustled with dark green leaves, full of promise that they would eventually bud full of life. What a sick, ironic smack in the face. Did Mother Nature plan to mock me?

Did Steven see the same trees on the brink of blooming? Would he have felt the same way as me? Would his stomach twist and turn the same way to the point where the very smell of spring made him nauseous? Or would he have noticed them at all? Maybe his eyes would have been looking down to the ground instead. We were so very different, after all. Even so, I couldn't stop the intrusive thoughts of his smile from dancing in my mind, stomping clumsily and engraving their presence permanently in my brain. Not to mention his eyes - those piercing eyes that seemed to read every bit of me, yet never enough. Damn it, he wouldn't leave me alone.

He was the dream for me - for just about everyone. And I was lucky, or unlucky enough to make him my reality. Who knew that dream would become a nightmare? A lonely, bitter, fucked up nightmare.

I had to get home, away from the suffocating smell of flower bushes that grew persistently along the path I walked. The bellflowers that had begun their bloom drooped pathetically, looking as if they were crying. Just a few more minutes and I'd be okay. I couldn't say the same for my eyes that began to sting with tears. Taking a walk was a bad idea, evidently.

I knew what I was getting into with him. I knew very well I'd always be second place to him. Work comes first. _I knew that,_ and I heard him loud and clear. After all, I should have been used to being second choice with my dad's busy work schedule that I've been oh so familiar with since childhood. So why did the reality settle in with such a horrible aftertaste?

Maybe I was tired of being second choice. Maybe I deserved to be put first for once.

Once my house was within sight, I exhaled a heavy sigh of relief. Never before had the Lilycove air been so suffocating, nor had the rays of sunshine peeking through clouds looked so dreadful. The feelings of kicking my shoes off by the entrance and slamming my front door behind me were the only pleasant feelings I had all day. The first thing I did was go to the restroom and turn the shower water on. I needed it as hot as possible, not even caring if it burned my skin. I felt beyond disgusting, like I was covered in a layer of shame just thinking about what was about to happen with Brendan. Steam erupted from behind the glass shower doors, looking more inviting than ever. Stepping inside, the scalding water stung, but still didn't bother me. It felt divine. From the worst breakup of my life, to screwing up my entire relationship with my best friend, to that "dreamboat" idiot who let me down - everything could wash down the drain, at least temporarily. I scoffed at the thought - if only it were that easy. I ran my fingers through my tangled hair, the water alone didn't seem to help much. I took another deep breath. I felt fine. I felt great. Standing beneath water splashing against my face, I couldn't even tell when I had started to cry, or when my heart began to twist, pound, and crash against my chest, or when I collapsed to the shower floor, clutching my knees against my body and sobbing aloud.

* * *

It had been the worst two weeks of my life. I only left my house when I had to. Without Steven and Brendan in my life, where did I have to go? The beginnings of pollination started early and it was making me sick, anyway. I know my Pokémon didn't like staying inside their Poké balls so much, but I felt too lethargic to do most anything these days. Wallace had to step in for me as Champion pro-temp while I was "on vacation." It was ridiculous in all honesty. Never would I ever have that one man would have so much influence over my state of being, yet there I was, alone in my house feeling dreadful as can be. I knew I couldn't keep living like this. I had a team to train, and they were the last ones I wanted to let down.

So I took two members of my Pokémon team to my back yard that was thankfully big enough for them to spar in. Swampert and Altaria were thrilled to get out after so long. They knew something was wrong when Altaria wasn't able to mega evolve. I guess my heart wasn't totally in it, but they still carried on with their friendly battle. I had to admit, it felt pretty damn good to be in a battle setting again, although it was certainly difficult to enjoy much of anything. Ridiculous.

"Swampert, start with hammer arm and Altaria, fly to dodge it," I commanded. Altaria swiftly flew high into the sky with utmost grace, the traces of sun peaking through the clouds complementing her wings beautifully. What Swampert lacked in grace, he made up for in brute strength as his arm smashed into the ground, leaving an impressive indenture in the soil.

Something rushed through my veins. I wasn't sure what exactly it was, but for the first time in weeks, it was a pleasant feeling. I almost felt excited again.

I didn't know how long the two went at it. Both Swampert and Altaria were equal in strength given their own unique abilities. I guess there was no room for the champion's team to get too rusty.

Despite the (rather intense) friendly spar unfolding before me, what managed to startle me wasn't the two incredibly strong Pokémon battling it out. No, what caused my heart to skip a beat was the soft hand that placed itself on my shoulder from behind.

"What the shit?!" I gasped, whipping my body around on the defense.

When I saw the culprit with his mouth agape and innocent blue eyes wide in fear, I exhaled in relief, feeling slightly guilty for cussing at him. "Wally?"

"May, hi! Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He spoke softly through an apologetic smile.

"No worries," I shrugged, pulling out Swampert's and Altaria's Poké balls as I turned my attention to them. "You guys did great! We'll do this again soon, I promise." They both cried in delight before I returned them to their balls.

"You didn't have to stop your training," Wally began. " I was just worried about you, to be honest. You haven't been by to battle in weeks. Is everything all right?"

Wally must have been one of the sweetest people I have ever met, and I had been completely neglecting him. Normally I visit him on victory road to battle at least once a week. Just another thing to add the list of 'why May is a terrible person.'

"Yeah, sorry about that!" I tried to say causally. "Between interviews, challenges, and business with the league, I've just been so busy."

"But I talked to Wallace. He said you were on vacation?"

_Shit._ I repressed the urge to say something fowl about Wallace beneath my breath. "Maybe I am. Who said you have to leave home to be on vacation?" I didn't even convince myself with that sorry statement. "Besides, not to be rude but why did you come by if you thought I wasn't here?"

"I … I did know you'd be here, actually." Wally said, suddenly with a more serious tone. "You're not the type to just up and leave. You would have told me if you were going somewhere, because I know you'd never miss out on our battle every week. And well, looks like I was right." He waited a few moments, probably expecting for me to say something to explain myself. Unfortunately I had no words to say. "I also know you're not the type to stay home for two weeks without going out for a real battle.. May, you can talk to me, you know. Are you okay?"

I looked down, mindfully trying to escape his eyes that watched me intently. Damn it, Wally. I wanted to ask him to leave, but I really couldn't. It was Wally.

"I'm fine, really. I just needed a break. It's a little overwhelming sometimes, you know?"

He stared for a moment, but he finally smiled once again. "Yeah, I understand." I know he wasn't buying it, but I guess that was his way of giving me space on whatever I wasn't telling him. "Mind if I come in? It'd be nice to catch up a bit."

No. I cared deeply about Wally, but I definitely wasn't in the mood to entertain or keep him company. "I'm sorry, Wally," I frowned, finding it difficult to find the right words. "I'm just feeling a bit tired. Maybe another time? Soon, okay?"

"You don't have to talk if you don't want. But I'd really like to tell you about a Pokémon I found," he smiled graciously, not harboring an ounce disappointment. He pulled a Poké ball off his belt, staring at it excitedly before returning his attention to me. "So, can I at least talk? All you have to do is listen."

"Um," I scratched my head, looking to the ground for a second before finding an answer. Maybe I could play along for a few minutes. If I was too insistent on turning him away, it would probably raise even more red flags that something was wrong. "Sure. Come in." I really couldn't say no to him, could I? Like I said, _it was Wally_. Sometimes I felt like the word 'no' alone could break him, even though I knew that he was much stronger than I gave him credit for.

I opened the door for him, already half-regretting not turning him away. He sat on one of my sofas, hands cupping the aforementioned Poké ball on his lap. He motioned for me to join him.

His mannerisms were as friendly as ever; his smile inviting as can be. Seeing his palpable enthusiasm up close made having company just a bit more tolerable.

"So," Wally began. "Have you ever heard of a Pokémon called Zorua?"

I shook my head. I knew it wasn't from Hoenn; it didn't sound familiar.

His whole complexion glowed with pride and zeal. His energy was refreshing. Pressing the center button on the Pokéball, a very small, very _hyper_ Pokémon materialized on the floor in front of us.

It was a cute little guy. He barked happily, wagging its tail in anticipation. That is, before it caught sight of its bushy tail and began running in circles in a futile, albeit adorable attempt to catch it.

"Tony, say hi to my good friend, May!" Wally encouraged, smiling widely in amusement.

"Rrrark!" It chirped, looking up at me. Had to admit, it was pretty hard not to smile when watching the baby Zorua.

"He's a dark type from the Unova region." Wally explained, watching amusedly as the Zorua quickly distracted itself with its own tail again. "Professor Birch doesn't know how or why either, but a few of them have been showing up around Littleroot, where your parents live. They're supposed to be masters of illusion, but," Wally paused to chuckle, looking at his newest teammate. "I think Tony is a bit young to have mastered that skill."

An unknown force pulled the corners of my lips into a small grin, although there was nothing of value I could add to the conversation at the moment. So I nodded, hoping he would continue speaking. Fortunately, he did without any prompting.

"I actually found him in a patch of grass. He was picking on a small Wurmple, actually," he said, chuckling at the thought. "I offered him a berry and I suppose that was enough to win him over. He joined my team without a fight." Wally patted the sofa next to him, successfully getting Tony's attention, for the small dark type promptly leaped up in between Wally and me.

I offered my hand to Tony, letting him register my scent before proceeding to scratch his head. He was certainly friendly and trusting of strangers. Good thing a kind-hearted trainer like Wally found him.

"He likes you already. I'm sure he can tell you're great with Pokémon." Wally noted. I remained silent, just petting Tony and letting him indulge in all the attention, although I was almost certain he got enough from Wally. Baby Pokémon really were therapeutic in their own way. Between Tony's playful innocence and Wally's pure heart resonating throughout the room, all the toxins in my life seemed to choke me just a little less. I could breathe a little, and I have to say, it felt great, if even just for the moment.

"Well, that's all that's new with me, really," Wally stated . "I was excited for you to meet Tony. But I guess I can be on my way now. Thank you for having me over, even though you are tired." With another sweet smile, Wally patted Tony's head before taking the empty Poké ball in his hand again.

Without thinking too much, I reached over and put my hand over Wally's, stopping him from withdrawing Zorua. His lips parted slightly as he looked to me in confusion.

"No," I forced out of my throat. That was the first thing I said since entering my house with him. "Don't leave yet. Tell me more. About Tony. About anything."

* * *

He stayed over for five hours that day. And then came back twice the next week, and thrice the week after that. Something about being with Wally was so uplifting, and he didn't even mind if I didn't have anything to say sometimes.

Ultimately, I told him everything that happened. I told him that my relationship with Steven had completely crumbled. I told him about Brendan, and why I can't talk to him again. Wally didn't always offer me advice, but he did offer his ears and his friendship without a hint of judgment. That helped me more than I realized at the time.

Unfortunately, friendship can only extend to cover so many problems. I still hadn't said a word to Brendan. What's more, Wallace was faithfully flooding my voicemail. Naturally, I never answered, feeling just a slight twinge of guilt each time I ignored his calls. I originally told him I'd be gone two weeks, so I suppose my vacation time was already twice overdue. Sure, I was able to wake up without immediately feeling dreadful now; I was feeling significantly more lively than the few weeks following the breakup and definitely less lethargic, but would I be able to take on a tough challenger if needed?

I knew I needed to return not only for Wallace's sake, but also for my own. I had to get back to normal eventually. No person should have so much power to completely disrupt my life.

Walking through the league honestly felt like coming home after a long trip. Sydney was the first to greet me, with a surprised yet genuinely happy smile to welcome me "home." I received similar reactions from the other elites. It was a good decision to surprise them instead of calling in advance. They were all so happy to see me; maybe I would have been better off not taking any time off at all.

That was my thought process as I opened the final set of doors leading to the champion room where I planned to smile and say "surprise" as Wallace would roll his eyes and give me a lecture on how long I've been gone.

But when a stone-cold pair of eyes looking me up down greeted me instead, any optimistic hope or anticipation I had for the day had faded faster than I fell into this rut.

"May," he said. I nearly shuttered at his voice. I hadn't heard it in what felt like months.

"Steven," I replied, subconsciously holding my breath. My heart was suddenly on an angry, pounding uproar in my ribcage. I felt the color draining from my face, which is when I remembered to breathe. "Where is Wallace?"

"Hah," he chuckled dryly, feigning amusement. "He asked me to fill in for the past week. He had to get back to the Cave of Origin. Did you have a nice vacation?"

"I did." I said with a forced half grin. "But I'm back now and ready to take over. I'm sure you have a nice rock waiting to be studied." I meant it as a bad joke, but it revealed a little more pain than I intended.

He didn't laugh. Instead, his whole expression grew almost startlingly more serious. "They're minerals."

Seconds passed. Not a sound was uttered. It felt like the longest few seconds of my entire life. I shrugged with a single shoulder, not knowing what else to say, hoping he'd leave, and biting my lip to distract myself from the horridly awkward tension saturating the air.

He cleared his throat, bringing his hand halfway to his mouth. "How have you been?" Steven finally spoke up again, probably equally as uncomfortable as me.

"Great!" I chirped with an unnatural amount of perkiness. "I'm great, just ready to get back to battling, so I can take it from here." I wanted him to leave more than anything.

"No one has made it to the champion room since I took over for Wallace." Steven's lips pursed together. Then, I mentally kicked myself for noticing his lips. "Are you in such a rush to sit in a room by yourself, waiting for a challenger who is probably not going to come, that you can't talk to me for a minute?"

"Well, no, but…" I knew he got the hint, but he wasn't going to leave me alone, was he?

"This doesn't have to be uncomfortable, May." He remarked plainly. "We aren't exactly able to avoid each other since I still have business with the League."

"Who said I'm trying to avoid you?" I arched an eyebrow, crossing my arms defensively.

"Seems like a safe assumption. Where did you go on vacation?" He asked suddenly.

I blinked a few times. "Dewford," I lied. I never realized how plain the walls were, considering this was the champion room. I probably just never spent so much time trying to avoid eye contact. He said nothing in response. Honestly, the silence was more uncomfortable than talking to him. "And, how have you been?"

"Busy." He smiled, putting his hands in his pockets. "I've been really focused on my independent research, but I've also been helping my dad out at Devon. Had to keep my mind off things, you know?"

I nodded, turning my gaze to the floor. "You were always good at keeping busy."

"I know." He followed my line of sight, taking in the intricate tile pattern on the floor before returning his gaze to me. "I don't blame you at all for ending things."

My head snapped up to look at him. His eyes appeared softer, his lips pulled into a slight frown. "What?"

"You were right. I didn't give you the time you deserved, and we were both too independent for our own good. To be frank, we were terrible as a couple." He ended with a miniscule of a chuckle buried in his words.

I couldn't help but exhale a light laugh through my nose at his blunt choice of words. He wasn't wrong, at all.

"We sucked." I added, more light-hearted than before. "But I don't regret it. Being with you, I mean."

His frown eased into a more relaxed position, perhaps even into a faint trace of a grin. "Neither do I."

"So," I began, rather awkwardly. "What now?"

"I don't know about you, but I would like to call a truce." Steven took a few steps towards me, extending his hand to me, offering a coworker-appropriate handshake.

"A truce?"

He nodded. "A reconciliation to put everything behind us. It would be a shame to disregard our entire working relationship, not to mention the fact that we were good friends before any of this. What do you say?"

"Yeah," I muttered, clearing my throat as it came out with a hint of vocal fry. I knew he was right. It'd be wrong to throw away the entire platonic relationship we had established before we even thought about becoming anything more. "Keep moving forward, right?" I took his hand, gave it a firm shake, then dropped my hand back to my side."Even if we can't be friends, anything is better than pretending to be strangers with you."

"May, you are always going to be my friend, like it or not." And he was smiling again. That was the first time I'd seen him smile in a long time. I didn't realize when, but at some point throughout the exchange, I had started smiling too.

Something inside me felt … lighter? A similar feeling that Wally had given me, but I definitely felt this more intensely. It was like shaking Steven's hand was the detoxification I needed to breathe healthily again. And knowing that I was leaving this with a good friend, well, that didn't hurt either.

"But," Steven began to speak again. "I don't think any breakup between champions is complete without a battle." Grabbing a ball from his belt (I already knew it was his trusty Skarmory,) his eyes suddenly bored into me, waiting for my answer which he probably already predicted.

"You're on." And with a curve of my lips, the room that suffocated me with tension just moments before became our battlefield once again.

* * *

I was rusty. Like running a marathon after a month of sitting on the couch, Steven was the worst possible opponent at the time. Flashes and sparks; fire blasts and earthquakes; my blood was a river of fire rushing throughout my entire body. I felt alive; really, truly alive. Sulking and moping really was the worst thing I could have done for myself, and yet it was all I seemed to be able to do. But now that I stumbled out of my comfort zone, I felt completely new, like I was born a second time. It came down to a battle of mega evolutions, which I was finally able to do successfully. Steven probably didn't understand why I cheered when Swampert successfully completed his mega evolution.

And with a final rush of water sweeping throughout the arena, Swampert stood victoriously over a fallen Metagross, returned to its pre-mega evolved state.

"Still got it." I whispered to myself through a smile that refused to leave my face as I exhaled the adrenaline that I was probably overdosing on by now.

And for the first time, I could look at Steven and not expect anything more of him. It was weird. Different, but certainly refreshing.

* * *

That night, Latias didn't fly me straight home. Instead, I had her take an extra turn to Route 121. Something was still crawling beneath my skin.

The air was crisp and clear, albeit rather cold for early spring. I rubbed my hands against my arms in attempt to warm up a bit. What was visible of the sun behind the thick, dark clouds was just beginning to set for the night. Weird, it had been nothing but heat and sunshine for weeks, and now it looked like it would start pouring any second. I had to work fast.

I had a secret base to visit, and a friend to make things right with.

I knew I had to just rip the remnants of the band-aid off before this day ended. I was tired of being stuck in such a pathetic state. Apparently I wasn't so good at calling before showing up unannounced, but I was feeling spontaneously bold, so I had to act on it while I could. Anyway, spontaneity is more fun, right?

As I approached the bush that sat in the middle of a grassy field, my mouth suddenly felt dry, unlike my hands which began to feel extremely clammy. Just one more spike of anxiety then it would hopefully be over.

Pushing aside a few vines to clear an entryway, I announced myself before entering. "Hello? Brendan, are you here?"

I thought I heard something fall, and then some scrambling to fix whatever just happened. "Uh, yeah? Who's there?" He responded from inside, not able to see me.

"It's me. May." The noise inside the base stopped, and everything was silent. I inhaled deeply once again. "Can I come in?"

A few moments passed. I heard a little more rustling inside his secret base, and then Brendan's voice again. "Yeah, come in."

I ducked so that I could enter, trying to ignore the pounding in my chest. The second my eyes met his, I could tell he was unsure of why I was there. His pure, quartz brown eyes were rounded, and I felt truly horrible upon realizing he was afraid of me at that moment.

I stared for a few seconds, blinking and working up the courage to talk. But that's when we both said it at the same time:

"I'm sorry."

"What?" Again, in unison.

"Brendan, why are you sorry?" I stammered, my eyebrows were surely going to get stuck in this furrowed position by the end of the day.

"Because," he looked down, embarrassment and regret taking over his demeanor. "We're best friends. I should have known something was wrong that day. You wouldn't just uh..." he cleared his throat. "Do that on any normal day. But I guess I took advantage of that. And I'm sorry. I'm a million times sorry, May." He made eye contact with me again as he finished talking. He looked absolutely terrified.

"No, no. Brendan, it wasn't your fault. Really." I reassured, unknowingly walking closer to him. "I was in a really bad place, not that that's any excuse… Honestly, I think I'd feel better if you yelled at me or something, because there's no sugar coating it - I mean, _I used you. _And that's literally the worst thing I've ever done." I paused, stumbling over my own words from talking so fast. "I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for that, but I really hate not having you in my life. So I know I'm pushing my boundaries in asking you to forgive me, but-"

"Done. You're forgiven." Brendan interrupted, giving me bashful, yet still apprehensive smile. "Do you forgive me?"

I blinked a few times, not even noticing the tears forming until I felt them trailing down my face. "Of course." Wiping the tears off my face, I couldn't have hidden a smile of my own even if I wanted to although I probably looked like a bit of a crying, hot mess at the moment.

"Good." He looked to the ground once more, clearly contemplating whether he should say what was on his mind. Apparently he decided he would. "If you didn't know before, I'm sure you know by now - I do have feelings for you. I always have, and that's probably why I, uh, was pretty thrilled when I thought for a second that you did too. But, you know," he scratched the back of his head, giving me that charmingly awkward grin he had mastered. "Blah blah blah, it doesn't matter. You are my friend. And we make pretty damn good friends. So, I promise not to ruin that if you do too."

I nodded quickly in complete agreement. "I won't again! I promise."

He took a small step toward me; I knew he was debating whether he should hug me or not. I made the decision easier for him as I threw my arms around his shoulders, nearly knocking him over in the process.

He returned my hug, patting my back and letting me rest my head on his shoulder. He must have felt me trembling; I was never a peaceful crier.

"Why are you crying?" He asked through a gentle laugh, keeping me in his embrace.

"Because I was scared, idiot." I pushed away stubbornly, but he knew I wasn't too serious. "I expected you to be pretty pissed with me."

"Well I'm not." He said simply. "I missed you too much to be mad. Just one thing; let's not ignore each other for a month again, deal?"

With a final sniffle before I was feeling simply too overjoyed to cry anymore, I agreed. "Deal."

For the first time, the silence was comforting. No rushed feelings; no tension looming over us. Our heads turned to the entrance of his secret base when we heard the sound of rain sprinkling outside.

"Do you have an umbrella?" He asked suddenly with concern.

"No," I shook my head. "But it's fine." I gave him a smile.

"You can wait here until the rain stops."

Shaking my head, I politely declined. "Don't worry, I'll be okay! See you soon, okay?"

"If you're sure you'll be fine..." he hesitantly agreed, hugging me once more before I left.

Turns out it was more than just sprinkling. Large raindrops pounded against the ground which was already dark with rainwater. The grass surrounding Brendan's base seemed to dance happily beneath nature's shower. The sky looked darker than before. Thick, dense black clouds enveloped the entire sky - not a sliver of light from the setting sun to be seen. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Just a few minutes of walking and I was already soaked. I was drenched. I was cold. And yet, I couldn't stop smiling. No longer was anything holding me down. No longer was anything clenched around my throat, suffocating and inhibiting me. No longer would my screams be silent.

No longer did the flowers beg for water. No longer was the pollen choking me. No longer did the birth of spring seem so repulsive.

The trees above sang in joy as their leaves whirled in the wind. The flowers had bloomed since last time I saw. The newly nourished trees sprouted the most gorgeous white flowers. Wally had told me their scientific name that I couldn't quite recall at the moment. The rain sticking to the petals only made them look more beautiful, even more so than under the sun.

It was true; I was free. Free of guilt. Free of shame. Free of dependence. And for the first time since before Steven and I had even been together, I could say I was really, truly happy.

So I laughed. Rain pouring hard, thunder crashing melodically in the distance like a choir of angels, my bangs clinging to my face and clothes stuck to my skin, I laughed in the pure ecstasy of freedom.

* * *

**Author's Note**: I know a lot of people aren't gonna dig this one, but that's okay! I enjoyed writing it, so thats's reason enough to post it. Best wishes - until next time!


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